This is my 'live blog', my journal. Until now I have always written my journal privately, feeling like it has been necessary to keep my writing to myself, somewhere I can say whatever I want to, need to or feel to, without fear of judgement, criticism or ridicule. These three 'terrors' have haunted me in this life, meaning that for too long I have not been willing to open up and say what I truly feel. Over recent years this has changed. I don't fear them nearly so much now because I have a different understanding of them and of those who 'use' them and are used by them, to ensure that we do not express what we truly feel. In short, those who judge others ~ and I include myself in that of course ~ do so from a place of ignorance. There are always unknown factors, hence, describing ignorance, even in myself is not a criticism, just a fact. Do any of us know everything? If not, then we have no true basis upon which to judge. Judgement therefore is at best based on partial information and is unreliable. If we are willing, this can lead to a 'powerful' sense of humbleness, powerful because in humility we are able to access something greater, grander, truly aware and loving.
Here is a précis of my life, a short one:
Like all children I was born with a true inner spark that shone out brightly through those early days. I very quickly learned, from those around me that this spark and this brightness was not welcome in this world despite all those who apparently said the opposite. The world it seems preferred children who were modest and comparatively dull. This was confirmed by a religion that fed the belief that I, and we, are not worthy of God ~ far from it in fact...it is wrong and a 'sin' to ever consider yourself to be so. This adopted belief system set a background for my life, a life of false modesty and fake humbleness, a life of poverty, where true 'Richness' is not welcome. Somehow, in latter years, I have seen through this falsity and been able, to some degree, to return to the inner spark, a spark that remained in tact despite my lack of attention to it ~ a spark that is, thankfully, not dependent upon me to nourish it, instead, if we allow it, we are truly nourished by it.
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